


If You Die

by MysShadowDragon



Category: Avengers - Infinity War - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Gotta break something first to fix it, Hopeful Ending, I cant handle Peters situation, Irondad, They all need hugs, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, abusing keepsakes, ashes..., but not from Peter, spiderson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-30 01:49:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14486187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysShadowDragon/pseuds/MysShadowDragon
Summary: “If somebody dies that’s on you and If you die, well, I feel like that's on me.”Tony's never regretted a single sentence quite so much before. It cant stay this way.





	If You Die

**Author's Note:**

> Alright so Infinity War broke me, I cried in the theatre and it was a really dark ending. We can all freaking agree on that at least. I'm here to keep it dark, but do the one thing the movie failed to do. Bring hope in the darkness.

Watching everyone turn to dust one by one in front of him was something straight out of poetry. Left with a void of confusion watching these veritable strangers shocked faces melt away into the atmosphere of a random planet. Alone and forgotten, Tony couldn't exactly tell somebody they'd died, he didn't even know half their names. He slowly turned to Strange who looked resigned, muttering that 'it was the only way', Tony watched the man blow into the wind too. His heart clenching in fear and sadness for the people dropping like flies around him.

"Mister Stark," Tony turned to the kid who was hunched over in distress and stumbling around. In Tony's shocked numbness he figured the kid felt scared.

"I don't feel so good."

Shaking his head Tony couldn't deal with Peter right now, he was still working on dealing with himself, "You're alright."

Peter stumbled closer and Tony couldn't deal with Peter right now - he couldn't. He wasn't ready to admit that something was more than wrong with Peter. A memory flashed by at the speed of light, it was just this morning that he was talking about kids with Pepper.

"I-I don't know w-what's happening." The kid looked down at his hands in confusion, pain dancing across his face. Tony put his hands up to steady Peter only for Peter to trip and stumble into him.

Peter latched onto him, desperately holding onto him. Tony could feel the kids panicked breaths, how tight Peter grabbed at him, how Peter's fingers curled into the fabric of his ripped shirt, and how Peter dug his face into his shoulder. Reaching for some comfort from Tony that Tony wasn't prepared to give. How could he reassure Peter when they'd seen everyone around them turn to dust and die. They both knew what was going on. Even if neither of them was going to admit it.

"I don't want to go, I don't want to go." Peter was crying, his voice was breaking and Tony felt something shatter inside of him. Peter was supposed to be safe, he was supposed to be on a school trip laughing with his friends, going home to his aunt and cheerily texting him what he did on his patrol as Spiderman.

"Mister Stark, please, I-I don't want to go." Tony felt something bloom inside his chest, anguish was its name and with every second passing, Tony felt it more keenly. Peter was pawing at his shoulder trying to get closer or hold on tighter. Tony wasn't sure which one, maybe it was both. Not knowing what to do except tighten his hold and stare at Peter's shoulder.

"Please, I don't want to go." Peter's voice was getting higher as Tony felt Peter stop trying to stand, giving up, leaving Tony to hold Peter for as long as he could. To Stand for him, to keep him alright, but the battle and the stab wound put an end to Tony's strength. Trying his best, he dropped them both to the ground as gently as his own legs giving out allowed.

Peter was lying flat on the ground his breath hitching in gasps, looking at Tony who stared in horror and devastation. Witnessing Peter's death first hand, every mistake, every possible option that could have gone differently danced through Tony's mind. He could've stopped this, he should've stopped this.

Peter's face slackened into a more peaceful state and Tony swore he could hear the screams that failed to escape all the people who'd died without realizing it. A universe crying out in agony. The consciousness couldn't comprehend what was happening, but the soul felt every agonizing inch of their heart melting from existence. Peter's face was calm, but his usually cheery eyes screamed with pain that was hard to quantify. How could you explain a pain that wasn't felt, but was immeasurable and immaterial? Something so horrible that it reached into other people's hearts and soul and caused echo's of pain.

Tony could feel the ache deep inside as Peter stopped crying and quietly said 'im sorry' to him as if apologizing for the pain he was causing unintentionally. Apologizing for his soul burning to a crisp and blowing away.

Tony grabbed at Peter as he melted into the foreign earth, only to end up with the ashes of Peter. Stifling a shout, Tony felt his tears bubble up. Staring at his hand in mute horror. Covered in the last thing of Peter. He was seventeen, a kid from Queens who was a nerdy hero. Peter died on a foreign planet, so little left that Tony couldn't even bring back a shoe to bury on Earth.

Tony never understood burying the dead, cremation was the obvious choice for him, but this wasn't right. Peter was born and raised in New York, an American that always gave everything he had to his city even at such a young age. It wasn't fair that he couldn't be buried there, that his body was lost to the dead planet of the man that murdered him.

With some desperation, Tony scrapped the ashes in a sort of fury. He wasn't going to let Peter's last contribution be to a monument of their failures. Peter was coming home, he was going to part of a tree or a flower like a Gladiolus.

Tony's mind flashed to his parent's burial, where the rain didn't stop and the mud was slick, but the surroundings were wild, yet manicured. Where it felt like stepping into a grove deep in the woods, where the sound of cars couldn't penetrate and the trees leaned over you like an embrace from mother nature.

"He was important to you?"

Tony jumped spinning to face the blue robot lady who'd appeared and crashed a ship directly into Thanos' face; which was much appreciated and even more relished now.

"What?"

The lady gestured at his knees, "The boy, was he important to you?" She said in a robotic crackly voice.

Tony stayed silent for a moment, "Yes."

"What was he to you?" She asked, standing on the ridge above him, not moving.

"I don't know," Tony answered automatically. The lady quirked an eyebrow at him but trotted down the ruined hill towards him.

"I lost my sister to Thanos, he used her to get the Soul stone." She said with barely a rise in her voice like she was stating a fact rather than talking about her freshly dead sister.

"What does this have to do with me?" Tony asked in frustration, he needed to get Peter home, not chitchat with blue alien robots.

The lady growled, "She may not have been my sister by blood, but she was my sister either way and now her body's lost to me. I can not mourn, but you can." She stomped over to him taking a wide path around the various places people had disintegrated into.

Tony stayed silent holding a handful of Peter's ashes in his right hand as the angry robot came closer. She stood over him for a second and part of him jerked at her standing over him, but he lacked the drive to stand. Peter was dead and it was his fault.

"Give it here." She stuck her hand out and Tony snarled at the offending appendage.

"No thanks." He found the ability to stand, ignoring the ripping pain in his abdomen, it seemed less painful, numbed and small.

"You cannot carry the ash forever." She stated, pushing her arm out more aggressively in his direction.

"Watch me. I'd rather be stabbed again then give you Peter." Tony's nostrils flared and he widened his stance, he'd fight if he had too.

"Stupid oaf, give me the ashes!" The lady stepped forward and Tony stepped back, he couldn't protect Peter. He'd let him die and that was all his fault, he wouldn't allow for his ashes to be taken too.

Sliding a foot back into a defensive stance he called out a shiv he'd designed that was laced with arc reactor energy. The suit might be busted to hell and back, but the weapons were still there. The nanoparticles slid into his free hand and formed the knife that he held in reverse position. His other hand cradled protectively between him and knife.

"Get back," Tony said with a vague growl.

Lowering her hand the robot lady sighed angrily before reaching into the back of her leg, which popped open, pulling out a tiny orb. She twisted it sharply and Tony jumped back, he couldn't handle a bomb. The circle popped open and stayed open. Holding it out on her flat palm she stuck it out towards him.

"Put the ashes in there." She turned her palm over and let the container drop to the ground before turning and walking to her crashed ship.

Tony eyed the weird ball with its intricate designs before letting the knife melt away back into the fake arc reactor. Shuffling towards the container, making a wide gap between where Peter laid begging Tony to not let him die. Tony averted his eyes from the area like it was covered in blood and gore, like Peter was sitting there judging him. Personal demons tormented him and now there were the ghosts of the past to follow him around too.

Grabbing the orb, he looked it over quickly, closing it and opening it again, making sure that it was exactly as it seemed. When he deemed it safe he collapsed to his knees with a gust of air. Bowing over the tiny container he opened his hand that clutched at what was left.

With slow, careful movements he put Peter's ashes into the orb and sealed it shut. Holding it in the hand that was still covered in ash, pieces so small that he couldn't get them off. He wanted to get it away, it taunted him, but he couldn't stand the thought of willingly leaving more of Peter on this forsaken rock.

Clenching his fist around the orb, with its tight lines and sprawling metal curves, he could feel it cut into the skin of his palm. Dropping his head back to stare at the foreign sky he felt tears run down his face. He'd like to say he could feel the pain that brought the tears, but all he could feel was the cold, the pressure, and his throat closing in on itself.

He brought his bleeding hand that clutched the orb to his chest closing his eyes to the dull light of the sun here. Telling the nanoparticles what he wanted them to do, feeling the cold metal spread and settle around his bare neck. The nanoparticles lacing through his fingers covering the small ball in gleaming red and gold metal. Faint stress lines lining the surface making it look cracked and weak. Tony let his hand fall away from the ball that now hung around his neck; looking down all he saw were faint spiderwebs racing around the ball like Peter had a hand in designing it.

Curling around the necklace hung around his neck, tears and blood hit the ground in rivulets, his face feeling tight and his palm gritty and wet. Clenching his hand he shouted at the ground, letting out the pain and the loss. His voice cracking and breaking like it hadn't since his parents' death.

He screamed for the people around him, he screamed for the universe he'd failed, he screamed in fear of the future, he screamed for a world that will never be the same, and he screamed for the closest thing he had to a son.

The pain didn't stop when he got back to Earth with who he figured out was named Nebula, she was bitchy, but she was focused and Tony appreciated the mindset. She smacked him out of wallowing the minute it crept into the tiny ship they were stuck on. Stating that the ship wasn't big enough for his bullshit which Tony accepted. He clutched at Peter and nodded his head focusing on the next steps.

His hand was always around the small orb on his neck now. His hand used to always land on his arc reactor, a nervous tick he'd picked up and never lost even when he didn't have an arc reactor. Now the weight hanging around his neck, while light, felt like the heaviest burden he'd ever carried. He refused to take it off, going so far as to command the nanoparticles to nearly strangle him with the chain when Nebula tried to pull it off him once for wallowing too much.

"Stark, take the damn thing off," Nebula snarled at him giving up on tearing it off his head. Tony shook his head letting the necklace sag again, air flowing back into his chest with deep gulps.

Nebula paused for a moment, considering him. "He was family then," she said.

Tony didn't say anything for a while just staring at the spiderwebs that raced around the ball.

"Yeah, he was, even if I didn't know it." He said quietly, a cheery phantom voice seemed to echo around him and gravity pressed down around him. Nebula didn't move though, even through the pressure.

"Family is not determined by blood, only by your heart." Nebula said finally slumping to the pressure that only Tony felt, nothing more was said between them for the rest of the day.

Earth was another matter, it took four days to get back with the busted ship that Nebula had. She'd also fought him every step of the way on going back to Earth, he'd finally won the conversation by exploding at her that it was where Peter's family was. When they finally managed to crash land on earth they found spears and angry shouts in another language and angry shouts from one mouth Tony did recognize.

"Steve." Tony bit out tightly, Nebula standing beside him with her electric pikes sparking, snarling at the women surrounding them.

"Tony?" Steve said in surprise before pushing through the crowd of aggressive ladies. Walking up to him and grabbing his shoulder, pulling him into a hug that was unnecessarily tight.

"It's good to see you, Tony, we thought you were gone too." The bags under Steve's eye's shone out and his voice was just so tired that Tony could only sympathize, any anger he held towards the man drowned in relief and sadness.

A young girl shouted something and the spears all disappeared in one fluid movement. Striding through the crowd pushing her way past Steve, who let her. She seemed like she was looking to pick a fight before she caught a look at him and shock crossed her face.

"Tony Stark?" She asked with a heavy accent.

"In the flesh," He joked back tiredly, "and who are you?"

One of the guards pushed forwards getting into his face which he didn't fight. He had bigger things to deal with, "She is Queen Shuri of Wakanda. It would do you well to mind your tone."

"Oh, we landed in Wakanda? Sorry, we were kinda crashing. Neither of us really knew how to fly that thing," He was immediately batted over the head by Nebula who growled at him. He wouldn't call Nebula's flying good. She was great at crashing though.

"Sure," Shuri drew out the word, "it seems like we're taking in more strays. Let's go boys." Shuri whipped around and marched through the crowd that followed her. Steve lingering behind to watch him gingerly get off the ship, quietly slipping to his side and helping him along. He'd never gotten his stab wound looked at, only covering it with the emergency 'don't bleed out' serum which did its job, but wasn't fixing the massive hole in his chest. It was a serum that Peter designed and named for his own suit, but pestered Tony into adding it to his own suit. It saved his life no doubt.

Walking into Wakanda was like walking into candy land, Tony eyes lit up with every new sight. His fingers itched to grab and play and learn - Peter would've loved it. He wouldn't have stopped going on and on till Tony had to step in and cover the kid's mouth for him.

Telling himself quietly not to cry Tony grabbed the necklace, letting his head fall to his feet to avoid looking at the surroundings. Steve looked at him with concern but helped him keep limping along.

Shuri dismissed her guards and walked him, Steve, and Nebula down a hall to what she dubbed as the emergency mayo room. Opening the doors to a living room filled with people Tony recognized was like a breath of fresh air until the mood hit him.

It was palatable, a living breathing thing, misery and despair drowned the room. The couches filled with bodies, but barely any people. Some were practically cationic, only lifting their heads to look when the door opened.

Thor perked up and shouted at Tony, "It's good to see you alive Stark and not dust."

Tony flinched at the word dust, a few others did too, Steve included who let his hand drop off Tony like he burned it.

"We've talked about this pirate boy," a racoon angrily stood up "don't fucking mention it!" it snarled, its ears pinning back before flopping back down on the couch.

"Is that a racoon?" Tony asked confused turning to Shuri and Steve.

"Yes," Shuri answered, walking further into the room towards Natasha who was quietly sitting in the corner of the room with a void look on her face. Crouching down to whisper to her.

Nebula stuck close to Tony, sneering at the room, she seemed to be ignoring the racoon, but Tony wrote that off as her superiority complex getting one over on a talking garbage panda.

"Where have you been Tony?" Steve asked softly, almost as if trying not to break the fragile atmosphere.

"The spaceship wasn't a good enough clue? Hitched a ride on a flying doughnut to Thanos' planet, took a lot longer to get back after purple thumb brought the moon down on us." Tony summarized trying not to think too hard on the desolate planet.

"You fought with Thanos?" Bruce pipped up from his place near Thor.

"Yeah. It didn't go well." Tony said with a chilly tone. Crossing his arms he walked towards the couches in the middle of the room. More than glad to sit down somewhere that wasn't partially destroyed and five inches from Nebula.

Finding an open spot beside Rhode's who, bless his soul, was sleeping with his head tilted back and his hands tucked in his armpits. Seeing his best friend still alive sent a rush of relief through Tony. His thoughts touched on Pepper and he couldn't even consider the idea of losing her. He couldn't call right now.

The Racoon looked up to glare at Nebula who stalked behind Tony's spot on the couch. She was like a caged tiger on drugs. Constantly. It probably stemmed from her daddy issues.

"What the hell is she doing here?" Rocky racoon pointed at Nebula.

"None of your concern, rat." Nebula hissed back and Tony just sighed.

"Actually I'd like to know that too, who are you again?" Bruce piped up Thor nodding along as well.

"That's Nebula, we met when she crashed her ship into Shrivelled grapes face. She's an artist of the violent variety." Tony vaguely waved in the air nonchalantly.

"I can speak for myself Stark." Nebula was glaring at him, Tony didn't even need to turn around to know that.

"Yeah, but all that comes out is angry cat noises." He retaliated. She growled but didn't say anything else proving his point.

Taking in the scene was depressing, Thor was silently sitting close to Bruce who was worriedly glancing over at Natasha. Natasha was acting out of character which was unnerving. The Queen was near Nat, cross-legged, talking to her and Steve had sat down beside the Racoon who was scratching at its legs. Steve was looking vaguely spacey and the beard did nothing to change that thousand yard stare.

"So, do I dare ask why everyone's in Wakanda? No offence or anything…" He trailed off awkwardly when Shuri sent him a look.

"I'm not from this planet." The racoon raised it's paw quickly.

Levelling a flat look at the critter Tony didn't even know how to respond to that, "You're a racoon though." All it did was pin its ears back and mutter something.

Steve shifted and Tony looked to the previous leader of the Avengers. Tony nearly laughed as he realized it was only the original group plus a racoon, Nebula, and the sovereign of the hole everyone hid in.

"Nat and I are still wanted even after all this, everyone else here doesn't know enough about Earth to blend in. We also happened to be in the area." Steve said

"Rhodey's fine though." Tony pointed to his friend beside him.

"He's toeing grounds for a Court Marshall. Brushed off Ross," Steve replied curtly and Tony sighed and hung his head. "Most of us are still recuperating too." Steve tacked on.

Swallowing his gut fear Tony grabbed the necklace and asked the question that was hanging over his head - where were the others.

"Everybody else? Vision? Wanda?" He croaked out, not lifting his head.

"Gone."

The room's mood plummeted even farther. Tony could feel the solemn atmosphere downing him and he squeezed the necklace harder, pulling on the healing cuts on his hand.

"Screw this! I cant sit here and mope, somebody's gotta be alive, I'm blowing this joint." The racoon jumped up from the couch shouting.

"Don't bother." Nebula pipped up.

"What's that supposed to mean," Rocky said with a dangerous tone stalking up to where Tony was. Coming right up to Tony's feet and staring right over his head to glare at Nebula.

"It means they're dead." She said coldly and the racoon snarled and shouted a war cry throwing himself at Tony who tried to bat the angry critter from him. He was the launching pad though as the racoon flew at Nebula.

The fragile atmosphere broke like the first blizzard of winter. Thor was on his feet along with Steve trying circle around the fight breaking out. Natasha and Shuri had joined the couch group and Rhodey woke up with a jerk at the angry shouting.

"You cant know that! They're fine!" The racoon shouted biting and scratching Nebula in a fury, snapping at anyone who tried to get him off the robot who was pounding her fist over its head.

"Use that tiny skull of yours, they're gone. Dust. Destroyed by Thanos!" She shouted back at him and Steve was trying to restrain her now while Thor went after the racoon.

The racoon screamed in anger, flailing in Thor's hold, and Nebula jerked her arms out of Steves grasp spitting in anger at him. She walked off to a corner muttering to herself.

"Quill and his stupid face are fine! Drax is an idiot, not dead and Gamora is probably beating Quill's stupid face in right now." The racoon screeched, but Tony stilled in his seat. Gamora was the name Starlord lost his shit over and caused the plan to fail.

"She's right," Tony said while standing up, patting a confused Rhodey on the shoulder. Tony shot Rhodey a miserable smile and he only frowned in response.

"Who the hell are you to know?" Rocky shouted at Tony while Thor was struggling to juggle the racoon because it kept biting his hands.

"Dorky guy, big grey tattoo guy and a bug lady?" He asked crossing his arms defensively.

"You've seen them!" The racoon stilled and Thor nodded too at Tony's description.

Tony turned away, grasping at the necklace, shocked confused faces flashing past his eyes. Young too, young.

_"I don't want to go"_

Crushing the ball that hung around his neck Tony turned to the racoon.

"I'm sorry, they're gone." He said quietly and the racoon slumped, like a puppet with its strings cut. Thor gently put it down as it curled up on the ground.

"Everyone's gone! I've lost everyone" It howled into the stone floor pounding its fist into the floor. It made some gurgling screeching noise that Tony guessed was it crying or what passed for crying for a racoon.

"Y-you bastard!" It hollered, whipping out its gun that was hanging off its shoulders and pointing it at Tony. "Y-you didn't even try to save them, did you. You did nothing did you!"

Tony stuck his hands in the air, letting go of his necklace. Walking behind the coffee table in the centre of the room, putting it between him and the racoon. The ears pinned back and its tail was fluffed like a scared cat. Tony didn't like his odds of dodging a bullet should it pull the trigger.

"Rocket, you mooncalf, what was he supposed to do?" Nebula walked back into the picture, walking beside Tony and Tony almost got the warm and fuzzies. Getting stuck on the same ship for nearly a week obviously made her a little attached.

"Everyone's lost somebody, it's what we're going to do about it that matters," Steve said from behind Rocket.

"What I'm going to do is shoot this guy," Rocket said while priming his weapon with an audible click. Tony calculated the odds of pulling out the armour in enough time to block a shot and how likely it was to save him from whatever that gun did. The numbers were not good.

"Not in my house you're not, get your act together, " Shuri stepped up to try and diffuse the situation now.

"I don't give a shit if this was the Nova Corp I'd still do it." Rocket looked at Shuri to his side, he was slowly being surrounded by people and it only made him antsy and more dangerous for Tony.

"Who has this guy lost? He didn't do a damn thing when my friends were dying, I can see it in his eyes, he didn't lift a finger."

_"Mister Stark, please, I-I don't want to go."_

"He was seventeen," Tony said suddenly, grabbing the necklace around his neck and tearing it from its place around his neck for the first time in days. "He wasn't even supposed to be there, and he died," Tony said in a flat voice staring at the chain laying in his hand.

Rhodey from the couch made a noise, "Tony please don't tell me…" Rhodey trailed off before he could make it all the way.

Closing his fist around the ball he sent the gold and red particles back revealing the weird little ball that held the last bit of Peter.

"He could feel it you know... before it happened. Before Thanos wiped him out of the universe." Tony felt dead inside retelling it with a neutral voice. Trying not to feel the phantom grief or the hands that clenched at his jacket. The panic and cracked voices.

Rocket had fallen quiet for a moment, not lowering his gun, but listening.

"Damn kid and his powers felt his own death. At least the others didn't understand what happened, H-he saw the others die and then felt it - his own death sentence."

"That Spider kid from Berlin was with you?" Steve asked with disguised horror.

"Peter." Natasha piped up from the corner. Rocket flinched at the name.

"He died in my arms, begging  _not to go_ " Tony's voice broke mimicking the phantom voice that was haunting him.

Steve sucked in a tight breath between his teeth and Rhodey muttered a litany of 'no's'. Rhodey had met Peter more than once, he'd liked the kid quite a bit. Always poking at the both of them for being so alike.

Tony slammed the orb containing Peter's ashes onto the coffee table in front of him.

"I couldn't leave him there, I just couldn't do it so I brought him home intending to bury at least some of him rather than leaving him on that fucking planet," Tony paused and shook his head, "I'm not going to do it though."

A round of confusion rippled through the small crowd.

Tony's voice rose in anger, "Peter should never have died, he was the future and Thanos killed him and everyone else. I can't bury him until Thanos is in a grave of his own and this mistake," Tony hissed the last word "Is fixed. If the stones can destroy the universe they can fix it too."

Tony stood up leaving the small ball on the table eyeing everyone in the room, a light seemed to be growing in the desert of their eyes.

"I'm not going to bury Peter because he's coming back and even if he cant I'm going to live up to my title - I'll Avenge his death even if it costs me my own."

Rocket dropped his gun, slamming it on the coffee table beside Peter's ashes. "I'm coming for Thanos, he'll pay for killing everyone."

Nebula stepped forward and stood beside Tony, "For Gamora."

"For Sam," Rhodey put his hand on Tony's shoulder, squeezing tightly.

"For Wanda," Natasha dropped her widow bites on the table beside the ashes.

Steve walked around the couch, his jaw set in a familiar position before he walked to the table and dropped his new shield on it, "For Bucky."

"For my Brother," Shuri joined the growing circle.

An axe dropped to the table alongside all the other weapons, "For Asgard and for Loki,"

Bruce was the last to nervously join, but stood strong and echoed the final sentiment, "For the Universe and all the people he screwed,"

Steve looked Tony in the eyes from across the circle of people and they shared a connection born out of loss and pain that they hadn't shared since Coulson died.

"Avengers," Steve started,

"Assemble." Tony finished, snatching Peter's ashes from the table in one clean movement and holding it to his chest.

* * *

 

_"If you die,_

_I'll rally the troops,_

_If they croak,_

_I'll gather the people,_

_If they fall,_

_I'll stand on my own two feet once,_

_and for all."_

* * *

 

 


End file.
